


How not to deal with trauma

by Friday912



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alphonse is baby, And how not to deal with it, But still canon somehow, Characters will be hurt in their feelings, Ed is an emotional mess, Except I don't like romance, F/M, Minor Original Character(s), No One is a Functioning Adult, Not-so-canon, Original Character(s), Other Character Tags to be Added - Freeform, Post-Canon, Romance, Slice of Life, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23688520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Friday912/pseuds/Friday912
Summary: The team in Central didn't hear about Ed's whereabouts for years now. Nothing too worrying, until they learn from Alphonse that he didn't have any meaningful news from him in the longest time either.It's time to check on the former Fullmetal who, from the outside, seems to be living a pretty normal life.
Relationships: Edward Elric/Original Female Character(s), Mei Chan | May Chang/Alphonse Elric
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. I

It had been a few weeks since he sent his letter to Resembool, but still, he was without any news of his former subordinate.  
It was fine, really. He didn't expect him to respond right away: he knew him too much for that. Nonetheless, the matter surrounding this correspondence did require an answer from the receiver at least before they all die from old age.

It wasn't a surprising thing that Edward would ignore him. Maybe was he still at large, who knows? What was, however, was the phone call he received from the younger brother.  
It was unexpected, but pleasant. At first.  
Because quickly, the conversation shifted from the usual mundane things to more worrying news. Al had been going through his brother’s correspondences in hope to find anything explaining his behavior. When he read the sealed letter from high-command, he thought he was on to something, only to find Mustang’s signature below an invitation to come visit in Central, prospecting some vague opportunities.

Mustang heard the concern in the young man’s voice.  
Worrying indeed that no one, not even the person closer to him, have had something to say about the whereabouts of the former Fullmetal.  
He was prompt to invite Al to use the coupon attached to the letter to join him in Central, and they will be able to join forces to find out what’s going on with Edward. Alphonse promised he had a few interesting tales about the evolution of their relationship to share.  
The brigadier general had shared his concerns with his adjutant, who deemed them rightful.

He was kind of excited for his date. Not the kind he used to have in his younger years, but an important one, nonetheless. He hadn’t seen the boys in so long and, he would only admit it to himself, it was kind of a bummer to not have them around as he used to. Of course, he was thrilled they had been able to go back to more normal lives, the one he deserved, but he had grown fond of them. As well as old and sensitive, apparently.

“Brigadier general?”

He popped out of his bubble to come back to the train station, turn around to face the boy who called him.  
He could barely be seen as a boy anymore, and his jawline was here to plead for it.

“Hello Alphonse, how are you?” He offered his hand.

“Please, call me Al! I’m good, you?” He shook it.

“Let’s go with Roy, then. I’m fine, thank you.”

The two men went on to find a place to settle. A coffee shop would do. They took place around a table after Alphonse inquired about his doings, the Rockwell's and Mei's.

“Anyway, do you know where you're staying tonight? I might be able to arrange something, if you have to stay in a hotel.”

“It's ok, thanks. I called the Hughes, it's been so long since I've seen them, so Gracia offered that I stayed the night.”

Roy nodded. Obviously, he had stayed in close contact with Gracia and Elicia and of course, they still were their own welcoming selves.

“Now… About your brother. What's going on exactly?”

"Well that's the thing. I have no idea. He just went silent sometimes ago. I tried to keep writing, I even tried visiting at some point, but if I ever get a response, it’s to push me away."

"I see. Walk me through it, would you?"

He was trying his best to be reassuring. He could sense the tension in the younger man, but he was here to help him, first and foremost.  
Al then went on how they had decided to travel the world to learn and see new things. He went on the east, reuniting with his princess girlfriend on the way, as Ed went to the west. They would communicate as much as possible, sharing what they had found, mostly by letters, but calling whenever they could. Sometimes, when they were lucky enough, their paths would cross, and they would schedule a few days to spend together, talking about all the things they learned about.  
Roy could say the young man was passionate about it. And it was fairly easy to see why. He had always been curious, and even though Edward was the one considered a genius, Alphonse was really close, intellect-wise and his natural empathy and kind heart, as well as his experience in a senseless suit of armor allowed him to see the world in his different and particular way.

“But then… I don’t really remember when. A few years ago, I would say… Three, maybe? He started to not send as much letter as usual. At first, I didn’t have any issues with it, but as it went on, as I was trying to look in the past to understand what was going on with him, I remembered: he did stop caring about sharing his researches and stuff. Three years ago, yes, that’s it.”

“Could it be he grew weary of it?”

“Maybe… But… I don’t know, he could have just said so! No, I really think it’s something else… Actually there was some kind of an… Incident? Yes, I would say so, an incident in Resembool”

“Of what sort?”

“Well, see, we agreed that we had to meet there at least once a year. You know, see Grandma and Winry. He also had to have his leg checked-out. And, well, you know… He had some kind of thing going on with Winry.”

Roy sneered:  
“You don’t say.”

“I know! But see, apparently, I had from Winry that he made a first step before heading west for the first time, but after that… Nothing!”

Roy raised an interested eyebrow.

“So, of course she became impatient. Also, he didn’t come back as much as I thought he would, considering he basically had a girlfriend there. Actually, he only went for our yearly reunion.”

“Indeed, doesn’t seem like a gentleman thing to do”

“Tell me about it!”

Al sipped his coffee while Roy was battling against the proud smile of a father who had just been slapped in the face by his child’s adulthood.

“But moving on, two years ago, we had that reunion and right on the batch, I could tell Edward just wasn’t into it. We would gather in one of our room, as we do, and exchange knowledge. Usually, it can take hours! We debate, we get amazed, we always want to show the other something more awesome!”

The blonde man was getting excited as he told Roy about the bond he was sharing with his brother. It was heartbreaking to know that this story doesn’t end as well as one would want it to be.

“But yeah, two years ago, it wasn’t like that. We gathered and I had a lot to show him, but… He just wasn’t there. I mean, physically he was, but he wasn’t paying attention. He didn’t have brought anything significant either. I tried to talk to him, to understand what was wrong, but he would just say he was tired. ‘I’m tired !’, ‘I’m tired.’, ‘I’m tireeeed.’”  
Al imitated his brother’s annoying ways in a seemingly meaner way as Roy as used to.

“Anyway. That’s ok! Clearly it’s not the most important, but he just wasn’t there for the whole time! We tried cheering him up, or talk to him, but he would not open. Sometimes, he even reacted… Aggressively. But, I mean… You know my brother can be wild sometimes, but here, we’re talking aggressive. Mean.”

Roy acknowledged Alphonse discourse with a nod. He could feel the boy tensing up again. He took the time to pour him a spare glass of water before trying to link the stories.

"You mean like… With miss Rockwell?"

Clearly embarrassed by what was implied of his brother, he shamefully nodded.

“It wasn’t like… I mean, there was no physical violence involved, whatsoever! It’s just…”

“Sometimes, emotional abuse is just as bad, right?”

Alphonse gulped.

“I don’t know if I would call it abuse.”

“We rarely do.”

Al had to take a break here. The memories weren’t joyful, and it was worse to know his brother was in the wrong.  
Roy allowed him his time, both of them savored their coffee.

“Well… One day, I saw Winry, she was hysterical. Crying. She locked herself in her bedroom, and we didn’t see her until the next morning. As of Ed, he spent almost all day outside. I went for him to talk. Or, I should say confront him. He had no right to make her cry like that! She’s a sister!”

Roy complied.

“So I went out, looking out for him. When I did find him, I almost didn’t want to shake him up anymore, he was looking so bad. But I said “almost”, so, yeah. Not proud of it, but this is one of the ways we communicate.”

Alphonse shrugged at the obviousness

“When he got to talk, he gradually started screaming at me. He said he just made thing clear with her and that we could not force him into being in love with her. And then he just went back to it.”

“Back to what?”

“ ‘I’m tired.’ ”

The concern grew in Mustang’s eyes.

“Do you know what he was tired of?”

“No. And honestly, I’ve seen him tired before. I’ve seen him… You know. Almost giving up. And I’m sorry, but back then, he had thing to be tired of! What is he fucking tired of now? Not having to bear the weight of his right automail?”

The annoyance in the man voice was obvious, but Roy elected to put that on his own tiredness.

“You know. Sometimes life gives you things to be tired of.”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t get it.”

“I hear you. You went through a lot, but it doesn’t mean you’re immune to much less.”

Alphonse stayed quiet, looking on his side, nowhere near the older man.

“On the contrary, maybe you didn’t rest enough. This adventurer life of yours is wearing you both down way quicker than you thou…”

“But is he tired of me, then?”

Cut the miracle boy, his voice crackling.

Roy didn’t have the heart to respond. Or, more truthfully, he didn’t have anything to answer. He humbly went back to his coffee.  
After a moment, Alphonse started again:

“I went to see Winry. After, I mean. I went to have her insight on what happened. And it was what you would expect it to be. She had a declaration, but then, he didn’t turn up. And when he did, he wouldn’t acknowledge her or her feeling. So, this day, she finally snapped went to him for answers. The answer he gave was something along the lines of ‘There should have been no expectation’, and ‘It was just some little boy’s words’, or ‘I guess I never loved you as much as I thought.’”

“That’s some harsh explanations here.”

“To say the least. But she waited, you know? The worst thing for her is that she waited. We’re not talking months, we’re talking years. He didn’t just break her heart, he then stepped and spat on it.”

“So that’s when you knew something was off?”

“I knew before that, I just didn’t realize how bad it was.”

“Is that all?”

“You wish.” Al said, mid coffee.

“So, I think we established that I was pissed at Edward. There were other things too, of course.  
Like, at some point, when the amount of letters diminished, all the ones I was receiving, and writing back to were all coming from one place, which never changed for sometimes. It was odd, since we were supposed to travel, but I didn’t think too much about it. Then the incident happened, Winry and Grandma still welcomed Ed into their house and checked his leg up, but it was the last time Winry saw him. He went back to wherever and I did too. I talked about it with Mei, and I was ok with not talking to brother for a while. The thing is, having a caring girlfriend, she promptly caught that I wasn’t happy with the situation. To be honest, sulking was a thing, but since I wasn’t writing to him… Well. He didn’t either. I was the one who was mad! I was the one who had the right to not write! Not him!”

Roy remained calm in front of a rightful tantrum.

“Mei tried to comfort me and find solutions, but I wasn’t really in the mood to try too much. Until, at some point, she led me to think about that thing I was telling you about: that at some point, he was only sending letter from one location. I grabbed his old letters, and I was right: they were all from the same location. Not the same as before, he had moved by then, but once in this new location, he didn’t seem to have moved!”

“So you went to pay him a visit”

Finger guns.

“Exactly. He couldn’t run away if I went directly to him! So I found he was staying in an old kinda former coal-mine village up-north: Cardendale.”

“‘Don’t know about it.”

“I figured. It’s a pain to get there!  
Anyway, I went there, it was some times ago now, something around a year. It was already nighttime when I got there and I went straight to Ed’s. Or, you know, the address that I had. I was at the door, lights were on inside, I knocked and Ed opened.”

“Oh, so you did see him? I was foreseeing this going a completely different way.”

“I did, but as soon as he recognized me, he went out, closed the door behind him and offered me a drink at the nearby pub.”

“Oh. I am… So sorry?”

“No, but you don’t get it. He basically threw me out. Without even letting me in first!”

Roy acknowledged in nod.

“We drank and we talked. And you know what? He didn’t seem tired for shit!”

The boy’s voice had increased under the emotion. He cleared his throat and quickly turned around to make sure he hadn’t bothered anyone.

“I tried to get something out of him, but he made sure to never give me any piece of information! He didn’t give anything out. And when we talked, it was basically small-talk ! And Ed…”

“hates small talk” finished the soldier.

Al gave a nod that meant ‘exactly!’

“So? What did you do?”

“Well… I mean… What was I supposed to do really, huh?  
I mean, he can be an ass, I have no issue with that. But, you know? Be an ass on your own, then!”

He said, probably louder than he intended to, while impaling a whole block of sugar he had put in his almost empty cup of coffee with his spoon.  
It was Roy’s turn to clear his throat to get the younger man to stop torture the sugary mess he had done. In response, Alphonse exhaled and threw his spoon in his cup, clearly not caring anymore of the amount of noise he was making.

“Anyway. I went back to Mei’s. I tried to forget about it, you know? Maybe it’s just a phase, or I don’t know. He didn’t really have the opportunity to go through a real puberty, you know, so why not?”

“If so, why were you reading his mail back in the south, the other day?”

One-handed finger gun.

“Yeah, well. Seems like I cannot not care for too long. Also Mei was tired of me being in a mood.”

“She sent you right the wrong or else you will have to keep sleeping on the couch, right?” Roy guessed jokingly. Al blushed and finished his over-sugared cup.

“But I had no lead. So I tried to find one. That’s when I called you.”

“Well, no one on the team heard from Ed in ages. To be fair, we didn’t hear a lot about you either.” He blamed with a look.

“I figured you were all really busy.” Al tried to defend himself.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. Honestly, I thought not having any news from either of you meant good news.”

“In my case, it did.”

The cups were empty and it got dark. It was time for the two men to go back home.  
Mustang paid the bill, to which Al mentioned that next time would be his turn to buy a round of drinks for the two of them.

“Allow me to walk you to the Hughes’, alright?”

“Sure, it’s been ages since I have been in Central. It would be a shame to get lost now.”

Roy wholeheartedly agreed and their walk began. They exchanged a few words, mostly addressing Alphonse’s worries. Mustang reiterated his support and promised he would do his best to understand what’s going on with the older Elric.  
When they arrived near the house, Alphonse unexpectedly stopped, curiosity crossing his face.

“Oh, by the way. What was that you talked about in your letter to Ed? The thing you invested on a train ticket for?”

“You’re not supposed to know it.”

“But I do, though.”

“Opening mail that’s not addressed to you is a crime, you know?”

“I’ve always felt like a criminal.”

Roy pinched his nose, chuckling.

“Ok, then. You might have heard we’re looking into reforming the state alchemist program, right? Well, I’m part of the project, and we’re building a team to try and find how to better shape and reform it. I thought your brother might be interested.”

Alphonse seemed surprised at first, but visibly agreed. Roy continued:

“Honestly, I don't put a lot of hope on him to say yes. We can't say he was in the army out of vocation.”

“Well, it's exactly because he is critical of the regime that he makes a good candidate. “

Alphonse continued his walk toward Gracia’s house. Of course, he knew that was exactly the train of thought the brigadier general have had, which clearly made him one of the few politicians to keep around.  
Roy smiled. The boy had reassured him in his choice. Edward had been a lot of things whilst in the military: an insubordinate brat, a pain in his neck, an unmanageable storm, but also a true ally.  
Al knocked on the door. Roy stand there to say hi. Gracia opened, happy to see both of them and invited Roy to join them for diner. He politely declined at first, but obviously, that wasn’t up to discussion.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed's a softy in this one and I don't like that, but I must own my mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the one-day span was a lie.   
> Time is a construct anyway.   
> (I forgot, sorry.)
> 
> Enjoy <3

Edward opened his eyes to an empty spot in the bed. He rolled to the other side, facing the wall. He would have to get used to waking up alone for the upcoming weeks, but let’s say his limbs were enjoying the extra stretching space.  
He put a hand on his left thigh, massaging the end of his flesh part to awaken every fiber and nerve connected to his automail. Ed could hear the sound of water pouring in the shower. Soon enough, he was sitting at the edge of the bed: he will have every morning to sleep in, but today wasn’t one of them. He grabbed a bottle of water, Sipped a bit and went on his way to the bathroom.

“I’m coming in.”

No one greeted him. The shadow behind the shower curtain might have not heard him. He took place behind the sink, grumbled at his face for a second, then splashed water on it: there, it was fixed.  
Toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, all ready, let’s not mix it up.  
While brushing his teeth, the sound of water stopped, the curtain open and a surprised cry followed:

“WOW. I didn’t know you were there!”

“Chowwy. ‘idn’t ‘ean to chtawtle you. (Sorry, ‘didn’t mean to startle you.)”

The woman pinched a laugh and got out of the shower. She passed a hand to the cabinet, snatching a flask of perfumed oil in front of Ed’s face, kissed the back of his hair while she was at it and then proceeded to anoint herself in oil, starting with the legs.

The man inhaled the perfume, as he was putting his shaving cream on. He liked the smell. Something fruity and something warm. It smelled expensive, though.

“You’ll be sitting in the back of a very uncomfortable car for most of the day, are you sure you need this much glamour?”

“It’s not about it working today, it’s about it working every day for the upcoming years until my old age. You need to take care of yourself early and regularly if you want it to do the job in the long run!” She said, imitating the voice of an old lady, sitting on her early twenties.   
“But I would think as much if I too was a golden-eyed blondie whose skin naturally glows and thrive with just a drop of water and the occasional ray of sunshine.”

He laughed, trying to not cut himself as he was done with the first half of his face.

“Come on, you’re pretty and you know it”

“Yes, exactly: I’m pretty and you’re gorgeous. I’ll fight you about it.”

She then aggressively kissed Ed’s forehead mid-smile with her still damp lips and left the bathroom after wrapping herself in a towel and putting the flask of oil back. He jokingly mumbled and didn’t bother to dry the kissed spot.

When he got out of the bathroom, all showered and clean, tying his hair in a high ponytail, his girlfriend was in her bras and jeans, sorting papers in and out of a leather suitcase. Ed didn’t bother to offer his help: he knew not to interfere with the way she managed her work.

As he was dressing himself with the same outfit as the day before, she disappeared from the room, suitcase in hand, tucking an unfit off-white blouse. Ed followed her promptly once dressed. The kitchen table made it clear she already had breakfast. Ed grabbed a toast, some butter and an apple as she was cleaning her own breakfast mess.

“Did you even sleep?“

“Yes. Not as much as I would have wanted, but I did have some sleep. To be fair, it was kind of hard to go back to sleep when you are just moving around and battling with everything that’s on the bed!” She mocked, as she was imitating her boyfriend’s uneasy sleep.

“Well, I usually don’t hear you complain when you’re sound asleep, you work-anxiety mess!”

“Fair, fair…”

She stacked the leather suitcase on another, larger and darker leather suitcase laying on the couch, but then continued to move around to finish packing her wide messenger bag.

“Hell, you’re giving me anxiety and my hardest task today is to not choke on apple seeds.”

“Shut up.“

He obliged

Soon enough, it was time to leave, she put on her burgundy cape coat and started instructed the relaxed boyfriend.

“I left you some paperwork you might need over here. The landlady will surely come and check the house so, make sure it’s clean whenever you leave, ok ? Ok. Well… Why the coat ?” She asked, assessing a ready-to-go-out Ed.

Ed looked down on himself, plainly.  
“Well I… I’m accompanying you to the station?”

“Oh, really?” She smiled, mildly surprised, “Yes, sure, if you want to.”

“It’s my pleasure”, he uttered, overdoing it and grabbing the two suitcases. He used his elbow to open the door.  
She went out, shoulder bag crossing her chest, kissing his cheek when she passed him.

On the way, she passed her arm around one of Ed’s, trying to not be too clingy as he was still carrying most of the luggage. They were silent, enjoying the sunny, but chilly day, as well as their last moments together for a while.  
They finally arrived at what was less of a station than a platform welcoming travel cars. She had rent a seat in one of those to bring her to the capital. With had hours ahead, from their northern countryside village to the big city, and then, train. Her back was already complaining.

They had their goodbyes in their usual humble way, but when she broke their kiss, Edward could feel a drop of anguish in her eyes. Which he tried to chase away with a forehead kiss, the kind she is usually the one to give.  
She caressed his right arm and let out a faint “It will be okay.” Then smiled goodbye, grabbed her suitcases and took place in the vehicle.

Edward waved as the car took off and walked back home as soon as it was gone.

He didn’t have any issue with his significant other going on a study trip for two or three weeks. He would do so sometimes too, plus, it was a clear agreement of their relationship that they would allow time and distance when working on what they were passionate about.  
However, saying goodbye to her as they were in a fairly bad situation in their relation did hit different. He wasn’t afraid of any cheating or things like that: he had any trust in his girlfriend’s integrity and commitment to their bond. What he was afraid of was something more devious, more intimate. He knew there were things he couldn’t give to her, things that will ever make their relation just slightly off. She had complained before, about the fact he would refuse to talk about his past and what he was doing in his life before they meant, sometimes to the point of anger. She had managed to take it on herself to allow him the time and space he needed to come to term with whatever he was afraid of sharing. She always thought that, at some point, he would let her in.  
Yet, he never did. And it was starting to rub off their tie.

It started almost a month ago, when she was offered a job amongst the researchers’ division in the Amestrian National Museum of Central City.  
She was thrilled when receiving the letter, he remembered how she glow up, reading it.  
He was too, honestly, but only until the thought hit him: it meant going back to Central

He has made so many efforts over the years to strategically avoid anything and place that had a link to his past. It was not to throw it all away and just go to the center point of his bizarre adventures.

The moment of joy quickly became an argument between the two. On one side, Will was trying to pinpoint why Edward would deny her of an opportunity she’s been waiting for long, as they had already agreed on the almost sacred aspect of their work.  
On the other side, Edward was making excusing, letting his anger take the best of him and was aiming at the misplaced ambition of his historian girlfriend.

The argument went on, each sides staying on their position.  
The situation finally wore off when, one night, Edward woke up from one of his numerous nightmares, only to hear sobbing coming from the living room. He stayed awake that night, not moving from his spot in the cold bed he had only for himself, as Will had chosen to seize the couch. The night then turned in an oh-so-feared introspection session, rhythmical by the quiet cries she was obviously trying, and failing, to hide from her boyfriend.

It took a lot of courage and self-denying for Edward to head to breakfast in the living room the next morning, face and eyes as dry as if he was the one crying all night. He remembered the look of cheer distress on Will’s face as she thought he was about to break up with her.  
Instead, he tried as hard as he could to loosen his stiff body and reassure his girl as good as he could, with the crooked smile he put on, the best one he could figure.  
In a few words, which he told as if he was out of his own body, he told Will to take the job. She replied, worried, that even though they could still be together and live apart, she did want to have both: a loving relationship filling a shared home. He took her hands in his. The tips of his fingers were cold, but hers were colder. They always were. He then declaimed that he too, wanted something resembling a normal couple life with her. Was it referring to the current argument or the long-run secret surrounding his teenage life? Not quite sure, but both were correct. Even though the later would be difficult to pull off, he could at least make the sacrifice of the first one.  
Either that, or sacrificing his relationship altogether. 

And now, there she went, joining a study group to uncover the secret of antiquities of Drachman decent.  
It had been one of her argument to why it would be easier to move to Central : even though they were living on the northern side of Amestris, she still had to go to Central in hope to catch a train to the excavation site on the border. To think this route was still easier than going directly from A to B in the North was unreal, but it was the harsh reality of their national rail service.  
She had a point, of course. It would largely better travels. Hopefully now, it was the last time she would have to taste the discomfort of the travelling car seats.

They had decide he would follow her step in a day or two, so he could have a few viewing and settle their new homes while she was away. If he was to think about Will as sneaky, he would say she planned it just to challenge him a bit more and see if he really was ready and would turn things around to create a real living space for their shared adult life. When he shared the thought, she confirmed he was absolutely right.

It was up to him now to prove he really wanted this to be real, although he would have to work his way out of the pit of self despair he had dug himself in.  
He knew what his issue was. That was a first step.  
But what was the second?

No time to lose on self healing, he had a house to pack, paperwork to sign and a landlady to manage before the grand departure.

The big day arrived later than planned, but here he was, crumbling under the luggage he didn’t deem necessary to send with the moving packages. The station was way too familiar for him to stay very long. He hastily headed to his hosts’: Werner, Will’s younger brother, in the one-bedroom apartment he shared with his roommate Arno.  
Werner was a cool guy, maybe the brother from the Wohlwend family he had the best chemistry with. He recalled meeting him for the first time during an end-of-the-year celebration in the Wohlwend family home where everyone had to play off that, sure, it’s completely normal for someone to bring a roommate who-he-share-a-bedroom-with in a family gathering, just to be sure the oblivious mother wouldn’t catch on her son’s romance. He was then tossed in the middle of strategies the kids had took years building up to cover each others asses in a severe home. Fun times.

He quickly arrived and was greeted by Arno and his parcels. His host had already placed his and Will’s stuffs around the flat, as to not obstruct the way too much. It was kind of them, to say the least, to let Edward crash with basically everything he owned. Not that much, sure, but still a lot when stocked in an already furnished apartment.

Werner was happy to find Edward home when he got back from work. The two city men proceeded to tell Edward about everything that was important to know in the city, as well as giving him advices on where to start looking for a place and a job. The man listened lazily. He couldn’t say he knew most of that, since it really wasn’t his priority at the time he was living there, but it had already been a hard battle against himself to come back here, he really just was mentally exhausted.

A few days passed, Arno was home quite a lot, as he was mostly working home toward his doctorate, but Edward didn’t want to invade any more of his host’s private time. He was often told to talk a few walks, stroll around in hope to find a job opportunity, a good neighborhood to live in, etc…  
But the first few days had been tough, to say the least. The nightmares he had on this couch were even more vivid than they had been in years. He even caught himself sleepwalking around in the living room.

It was almost at the end of the first week that he dared to take a first step outside. He didn’t go a long way, and he was pressured to check every corner in search of a familiar face.  
Whenever he would go out after that, his defensive instinct would wear off, bit by bit, as he realized how much people a capital could handle. The odds of crossing path with the handful he knew really wasn’t that much.

He didn’t care about a job for now, they were living off Will’s salary and the military pension he cleverly extorted fro… negotiated with Mustang. The most present topic was the one of housing and… Well, let’s say it wasn’t the kind of task he shone on. If it had been for him, the first flat that doesn’t entirely smell like rotten wood would have done it. But he wasn’t looking for a hideout, he was here to find a home.  
Geez, he really wasn’t a city man...

He arranged some viewings and always reported to Werner and Arno. They did have a lot say about the matter. ‘The built-in cabinets are cool, but isn’t it a bit old-looking?’, ‘Wouldn’t you prefer to have an outside space?’, ‘Do you see yourself living with my sister and having only this tiny bathroom?’, ‘What about if you get a dog? He would need space!’, ‘There was a murder here, last month.’  
He saw a lot of them, he’s even persuaded that, at some point, he had a viewing in one of the many buildings he had to rebuild alchemically during one of his missions. Some of these streets did brought back memories. Not only bad ones, though. He had forgotten what it was, to let his guard down for a minute, and reminisce about the actual good things he’d achieved.

He wandered in the city for some times. To be fair, he never really took time to appreciate the city as it was back then. He only went for a few, very strict reasons : to report on his duty, complete a mission if he had to, study in the library and see the Hughes.  
The thought almost stopped his pace. Should he swing by and say 'hi' ?  
The usage would say 'yes, definitely.', as one should always do when acquainted with such lovely people in the capital.  
But on the other hand, he had been avoiding everything casting even just a shadow of his past on his new life and obviously, they have been part of it.  
But on what scale ? He never really went deep on his traumatic experiences with them. If anything, Gracia and Elicia had been the breath of fresh air amongst the suffocating pressure of his teenage adventures. They definitely couldn't be compared to a Mustang or an Alphonse, involvement-wise.

Anyway, his body had decided for him, as he found himself just a few streets away from the family home.  
It can't be helped.  
Quickly, he was at the doorstep, knocking and promptly regretting.

He overheard the familiar footsteps and the door opened to one of the most calming, soothing and overall wholesome person he had the pleasure to know.

“Hi Gracia! How are you?”

“Edward! Oh my, you've grown! I'm fine, and you, dear? Please come, come!”  
She opened the door excitedly, welcoming the boy whether he liked it or not.

“Oh, I'm so happy to see you here, what a surprise ! How long has it been?”

“Honestly, way too long for me to say.” He admitted, humbled.

“For sure. But I get it: you boys always find new ways to entertain yourselves, right? Is Alphonse around?”

She showed him inside, not a lot had changed, if not for the pictures hanged on the wall, showing at the first glance how much Elicia had grown too, from the newborn he had known.  
Ed sat down on the couch, as he was invited to by his hostess, while she went to the kitchen to warm up some tea.

“Er… No, I'm alone this time. Haven't you seen him on his own too, at some point?”

He asked, a bit worried that his brother hadn't been visiting. Although he sure had other occupations now, he was still the most socially-inclined brother.

“He actually stayed with us for two days, a few weeks ago! Did you know about it? I mean, it's ok, I know you are not a city boy. Plus, he told me you were travelling your separate ways. Although, I have to say, he is way more rigorous in his letter exchange than you are!”

Edward flinched with a smile at the accusation handed to him in the sweetest of voices. It's right, they had been exchanging letters with the household as soon as they went back to Resembool, and it was always a pleasure to open the envelopes Elicia had filled with drawings and flowers picked from the nearby park.  
Soon, Gracia came back with two hot cups of tea and not a glimpse of resentment on her face. Ed thanked her for the tea, the same he used to drink a few years back. It did bring back memories, but good ones.

“I'm not going to be able to stay too long, actually. I just wanted to know how were… things” he gestured vaguely.

“Oh, but stay ! Elicia will be out of school in twenty minutes ! You wouldn't want to miss her, right ? She would be so sad… Also, we have things to catch up on ! What's the hurry ?”

Right… what was the hurry ? He didn't have anything to do anymore, he was alone and jobless in the city. And more or less homeless. The only issue he had was created in his own mind, but he was there now, so what could go wrong if a waited just a little more?

“Ok, you know what? You're right, it's been so long, I won't miss out on spending time with Elicia if I can.”

“And it will be such a good surprise for her, too !” Gracia added, eagerly. “So! Tell me about you! How are you spending your time, now?”

“Oh, nothing that interesting, really. I've been working here and there, occasionally finding a topic to research or write about, but that’s it, really. Mostly living a slow life. What about you?”

He takes a sip out of his cup. Not too much information, not too little. She doesn't need to know what's going on. She doesn't need to know he hadn't seen Al in almost a year, or that she basically was the last person to link him to his past life, as he just revived this link when knocking on her door a few minutes ago.  
She would be worried and nobody needed that.  
Then again, she always knew not to try and go too deep in what the boys were going through, whilst managing to be an abode of amenity as well as a most trusted ally.

She went on about hers and Elicia's life. How she was doing good in school and was loving her gardening classes. She would sporadically toss a question to Ed, to which he would reply with a concisely vague answer. The kind he had mastered over time. Never lying, but not being entirely honest either.  
At some points someone knocked on the door. Gracia put a finger in front of her mouth and gestured at the man to stay in his spot, as to surprise Elicia even more once she'd enter the living room.  
The door opened, as Gracia arrived in the entryway. She warmly thanked Betty, the mother of Laura, Elicia's friend whom turn it was to pick up the girls from school. She then proceeded to have the usual after-school small talk with the kid as she, unknowingly of who was there to greet her, entered the living room.

There was a moment of nothingness when the eyes of the little girl crossed the happy-kind-of-embarrassed golden ones that were awkwardly waiting for a response before moving the slightest muscle.  
A second later, the room was filled with pure cheerfulness and the cutest of hugs.  
Then, Gracia brought cookies, because it was snack time and anyway, cookies would only make this great moment even better.

Edward took a moment, while Elicia was enumerating the things she had done recently with her friends, to appreciate where he was and how happy he was in this point and time.  
A happiness that had almost been denied by his anxiety.  
In a flash, his thoughts went to Will and to how she would love it here: the house, the people, the cookies.  
In a bit, his heart tightened. It's one of those things she deserved, but he could never provide.

He snapped back. It was not a time of dark thoughts! And even if it was, they should not be conveyed by the thought of Will.

Elicia took his hand and made him follow her to her room. There, she introduced him to Mabel, Clarisse and Claudia: the succulent plants she had been growing and keeping alive for the past months.  
Edward applauded: he was genuinely incapable of keeping anything alive for this long, barely himself.  
Gracia, amused, didn't leave out the chance to highlight that they were Mabel the third, Clarisse the second and Claudia, the newest one.  
Scolded by an embarrassed daughter, the mother laughed as she went back to the door, which was knocked once again. “Probably Betty and Laura coming to play !”

Elicia took the time to finish the visit of her room and took her guest to a drawer which, when opened, revealed stacks of the letter the brothers had been sending back to her. Suddenly touched right in his heart, Ed couldn’t help but feel a shred of guilt to not having been the best writing buddy for the young girl.

He could hear the footsteps coming to the bedroom, which he guessed were from Gracia.  
A simple name calling made him guess again.

"Fullmetal ?"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3
> 
> If someone read this, please let me know if you would prefer long-ass chapters or mild ones in the future? As a phone reader, I tend to prefer shorter ones, but as a writer, I'm not always that indulgent. 
> 
> Prepare for some Dramaaaa


End file.
